Updated: May 4, 2020
It's been quite the roller coaster hasn't it, my beautiful people? As we sit in our homes and wonder what the next day or weeks have in store for us, we just have to twiddle our thumbs and truly hope for the best.
Today's post, my first ever blog first, will be a downer. In all honesty and genuineness, I have been struggling with my anxiety and depression. This was a fear that I had prior to my official start date to working from home. What I've come to realize is, I live off the connection and communication of other people.
Even though I have my husband, our types of communication differ from the conversations I have with my peers and coworkers. Also, he's so logical, so sometimes I struggle to feel the validation from him (we're working on it). However, as a coping mechanism, I have to remind myself that we're both very different people who fell in love with each other. That means despite what I wish he'd be like, I don't truly wish for him to be that person. It's really just for my own convenience. "If he just said this, then I'd feel better". "If he just did this, then I wouldn't be mad". "He did this, but it could have been done better".
My therapist reminded me once that if I had married a person who was just like me, I'd probably annoyed. LOL. She's absolutely right! I already get annoyed with myself plenty enough.
Anyways, my point here is that being stuck at home with the same people every day can be a bit exhausting, no matter how much you love their cute face. Therefore, I am thankful that my full-time job is essential (we work with the elderly and disabled), and that we've been required to come into the office once a week (we're taking turns who comes in each day - between one or two people per day). This way, I can still get that face to face interaction. On the days that I don't go in, I make sure to text my friends. Although, I think I need to start calling people. I never liked talking on the phone, but now I may need to.
Another bother that has been bothering me is....my progress with my podcast and website. If only you could see the internal turmoil of "not feeling good enough", "I'm not doing anything", and "everyone's is doing more than me". Nevermind, you really don't need that visual. On days like these...like today...I really wish I could just turn off the negative thoughts. I don't need them. They drag me down and make me unproductive and unfulfilled.
So, how am I coping with it today? I'm writing about it. I started my blog. If these thoughts are swimming around in my head, then let's do what I do best to either get rid of them or lessen their power, and that's writing them down. I used to write a ton when I was younger (helps explain why I wasn't so anxious then), and I need to do it more again. So what I have done is whenever I have negative thoughts or bad feelings, I write them down on a piece of paper. I read what I've written down and acknowledged those emotions: "What happened?", "What made me feel this way?", and "What am I going to do about it now?". Once I embrace all that is real and hurtful, in my head or out loud, I will say "I accept these feelings. They are real and valid. It's okay. You're okay. Everything is okay." THEN! The most fun part is I destroy that note. I either rip it to shreds (which is way more fun) or crumple it up, and throw it away! Good riddance! The physical visualization of throwing away a negative thought helps calm and soothe me. It's like punching a pillow. I can never physically touch my negative thoughts, but if I shift that focus onto something more tangible, then it allows me to release them and visually get rid of them. There's a science to this, I'm sure...Hehehe
I'm not going to do that with this post, well at least not the usual physical way that I do. However, I will tell you that I'm feeling way much better already. Typing this out and being aware of myself is really the best way for me to make the rest of my day better. I AM NOT LETTING NEGATIVITY RULE MY DAY!
So how are you feeling today!? I hope you're doing well. If not, try the mechanisms I've written about today. If you have your own technique, share it with me. I might benefit from it too! Also if you know what your personality type is comment below! I love learning about personalities!
Until then! Remember that you are in control of your life and your destiny, you are beautiful/handsome, smart, and capable of all things good! Love you! Bye! #selfawareness #loveyourself #INFP #copingskills